Sunday, November 21, 2010

I am here and he is there

Do you know where my husband is right now? At a fabulous wedding that someone like me gets really dreamy, not because it's for Tori Spelling & Dean McDermott's new show, but because it's a beautiful event that has all the touches I could only wish I could plan. Gold chairs, beautiful place settings, perfectly decorated grounds, white tent, chandeliers, and on and on and on. For an event planner like me, it's the tops. These are the only iPhone pics I could get from Mark's phone, they don't do the wedding justice from my vantage point. (Backstory- Mark's cousin won a wedding for this new show).

So you may be asking, why weren't you there? Now I'm not complaining, quite the contrary, I am just mentioning what every one of us moms knows about. I am home because I'm a mom. No kids allowed, I am still nursing, we don't have any more frozen milk (he's almost 12 months old, I ran out a long time ago), he hasn't taken a bottle in 6 months (why would I try again just tonight-you know he would refuse), it would be a 9 hour day away, and most of all, he's still pretty sick. It's just another day as a mom, another sacrifice, another story that people who don't have babies do not understand and so on and so on. And yes, I am the mom who is pretty strict about what I do and do not do. I am sure that I could have put myself first, not cared what happens or the consequences of the people watching the kids and could have gone. And, maybe it would have been perfectly fine or maybe I would have had to come home after an hour- who knows!

But in the end, it doesn't matter because I didn't even hesitate to make the decision not to go. Did I want to? Of course, just for the fact of celebrating Mark's cousin's big day because I adore her. But in my heart I have mom instinct, I know what is right, where I need to be and how things will affect my kids. And I make decisions based on that, we all do. And sometimes it means that we have to give up things that may be important to us.... but in the end I would do it a thousand times because after all....I get to be a mom. I know that at the end of my days I won't even remember that wedding that I missed, all I will see as my mind watches my life again are my babies and me. All I will be proud of is that I kept them safe and sound, I never harmed them, I loved them, I sacrificed for them and that I was a good mom. If that is all I have at the end of my life, I will be forever at peace.

You just can't explain that to everyone, can you? And, saying "it doesn't matter" isn't really fitting on an rsvp card (especially if you really want to go), but it's the truth. Just another day as a mommy.

1 comment:

The Shaft's said...

So very true...I wanted to go out tonight with my husband and after giving it thought and lining up a sitter I canceled. Why? Because my baby would have been thrown off schedule, I would have thought about him the whole time and it is just a wiser decision to stay home this time around. I guess I really am a Mom now.